One week down and fifteen more to go. Whew.
I didn’t think this week would end any time soon, however, it has. My little one also started soccer the first week of September and was supposed to have his first game today… in the pouring rain and cold… but, fortunately, a last minute phone call from the coach’s wife as I stood in a towel, just out of the shower, made today MUCH BETTER. The game has been post-poned. Whew.
I am very opinionated (if you haven’t noticed yet), and I do not hesitate to say what I’m thinking… and sometimes my “don’t say that” filter isn’t working well. And, then I feel like shit until I get to apologize for speaking my mind. It took me a LONG time to be able to speak my mind, ya know. I like it. However, people tend to think I’m this mechanical bitch… but, I’m really not that way. I’m skeptical and CAN be a bitch. There’s a difference.
Besides, there’s a lot of work that goes into being a bitch 24/7. I couldn’t do that… it’d be too tiring.
So, I know that a few of you probably are wondering how my first week back to school was.
It was… uh… ok.
My filter didn’t work on Day 1. I said “Henry 8th was a manwhore” in a room of impressionable, first semester college students. I saw one girl’s face.. her eyes were HUGE, her mouth hung open, and there was a hint of a smirk.
YES, I SAID MANWHORE. Hello? It’s college. Can (most of us) we be adults? Ok, so I said something completely out of character for myself… I usually wait a few weeks before shoving around comments like, “insane from inbreeding” or “manwhore”… though, in my opinion, someone has to say it. If I am going to capture their attention… I have to say things like “inbreeding,” “sexually incompatiable” and “manwhore.” They’re lucky they are not in my World Civ I course, or I’d say crazy-ass things referring to vestal virgin sacrifices, chastity and premarital sex, as well as condoms.
I had an ENTIRE lesson on methods of birth control… I swear to GOD my class last fall nearly exploded in laughter. And, for the remainder of the semester, if anyone said “condom”, they’d burst out laughing. Sheep intestines are apparently VERY funny…
Needless to say, I’m hoping that I can take the info (which is HUGE, but even when reduced is still a lot) and make it more interesting.
So, I’m inserting questions into my powerpoints to force conversation.
We’ll see how that works…
Needless to say…
I have a student who told me her entire life story in the hallway before class on the first day, after calling me by my first name (uh, no)… and reminds me of that mom from That 70s Show:
Kitty Forman.
… except, during that 5 minute tour of her life, she actually made me feel badly for her. She’s in her 50s and finally going back to school because her dad wouldn’t LET her go to college… and that she felt too… old… to be in college.
LET her go?
My dad didn’t THINK I was college material (not that he paid for any of my tuition or books or anything), and therefore TOLD me that I should goto a community college. I wanted to get away from them. I went away to a school that my mother nagged me to go to (but I didn’t want to go, because it was UBER conservative Christian) and I ended up screwing around (because I just wanted out of my parents’ house) and failed out my first year.
Where’d I end up? Community college. And for all his faults and foibles, he never prevented me from at least going. I think he believed I was going to fall on my ass, get some office job typing, and that’d be that. Har har… er, shit. I’d probably be making MORE money if I had done that, but I was determined to get a college degree… a few in fact. But, it doesnt’ make me any smarter than anyone else. What it does is makes me indebted to the financial aid system… repayment of that tuition (that would then land me the PERFECT job where I could work for 30 years, collect my pension, and retire)… and struggle to find a job, to which I have since discovered that NONE are perfect… however, this is pretty damn close… except for the pay… and my lack of a place to put my stuff (officially).
So, while I’m listening to her tell me about her struggle to get to this one single point, I smiled, stopped her (she was near crying at this point), looked her deadpan in her eyes and said said, “When I went back to college when I was 29, more than half of my courses were filled with men and women in their 50s and 60s who were going back to college, too. Do not ever feel that you’re too old to be here.”
She tried to hug me, but instead her urge to go potty overwhelmed her and she scampered off towards the ladies’ room. I leaned back against the wall, looked up towards the ceiling, and took a deep breath. When I quietly exhaled, a student from another class got my attention with, “Did your son tell you I was in your class?”
Oh boy. I’m a goddamn celebrity. And, as it turns out, her DAD is a big wig politican in my county… a freeholder, I believe. That means he’s my boss. Great. My luck, “manwhore” will pop out of my mouth and her father will find out. I’ll be banned from breathing ever again.
——-side note——–
When I was an undergrad, I had a professor who was notorious for swearing at appropriate times…
Like, “Since I’m teaching you the 1960s this semester, if those rotten bastard suits drag me out, I want this ENTIRE class to protest like no tomorrow.”
One time, he blurted out “fuck” in class and the entire group grew silent (which was difficult for them). I quietly snickered… he was my advisor, I was fully aware of his ability to drop the f-bomb… but apparently a few were not.
Like, “these fuckers beat black people with big baseball bats and set dogs loose on them.”
One time, frustrated that the lacrosse team wouldn’t SHUT THE HELL UP… he said, “SHUT THE FUCK UP”
They shut up. I again found it funny and smiled. Some people never learn.
—-end of side note——
Ok, so essentially… the semester is going to be super duper interesting. I have a large class of comatose 18 yr olds, an emotional 50+ year old, and a few kids who remind me of dejected muppets.
It’ll be interesting, for sure!
Check back for updates… they may be sporadic, but I’m sure they’ll be interesting…
And, maybe, just maybe, I won’t get fired… *grins*
