My meeting with a glam-a-zon

My morning class was delayed because the professor in the room didn’t finish her class on time.  As a matter of fact, she took 5 minutes of MY class time.  A student of mine opened her door when she finished and I can see her eyeballing me, but I was far enough from the door that she had to realize it wasn’t me who opened it.

As her students were leaving, while a few lingered to speak with her, I went over to the “smart” desk to hook up my PPt so that *I* could begin teaching.  My class was already 5 or more minutes late because this woman, a 6′2″ tall very aggressive and very demanding woman in heels and a power suit, didn’t have the courtesy to let me… low rung on the totem pole “non” professor with “just” a master’s degree, begin to get ready to teach.

Fast forward 2 hours later.

She grabs me in the hall while I’m making my way to class…

“Listen,” she said, grabbing my arm, “I was told that MY class ends at 9am, therefore I will give my students AS MUCH TIME as they need to speak with me.  Until we’re finished and have left the room, you are to wait in the hallway.  MY students are very important to me.”

By the way, they’re SO important that she wasn’t there the first two weeks of school because she was out at some convention or what-not.

I abided.  I’m a bottom feeder in the chain of teachers at that school.  However, it still bothered me.

First of all, I was told by MY department chair that the classes end 10 minutes before the hour so that the kids can get to their next class. 
Second, the way she approached me and the manner in which she did so intimidated and embarassed me.  It was in the middle of the hallway during a rush of students (some mine) working their way into and out of classrooms. 
Third, not only did she imply that I am not as significant as she because I do not possess a PhD, she irritated me by a) taking up MY instructional time, b) stated that my students do not matter to her, c) didn’t use her OFFICE hours to address concerns or questions posed by her students, and d) corresponds with the overall behavior of the department that shares office space with my department–that history professors/instructors matter less than they do.

Ok, so it really bothered me.  But, seeing that I’m still not rehired for the Spring (which has me upset since my office-mate already has a schedule and I’m in a “holding pattern” of “will she or won’t she have classes to teach”), I do not want to make waves by going to my department chair and bothering him with this nonsense.  However, as a teacher, knowing how much these kids are paying for the class, it bothers me that MY time teaching will be severely curtailed by the insensitivity and lack of respect that this woman exhibited towards me (and inevitably, my students) today.  My instructional time just went from 50 minutes to barely 40.  And, not to mention, it takes me 5 minutes to get my PPt up and running and the kids in their seats.

SO… here’s my dilemma…

I could go to my department chair and ask him what time our classes get out (to verify) and if he asks, mention it to him (in a delicate manner so as to not intentionally make big, fat waves) that I was “informed” by Dr. So-and-So that my class must wait for her to vacate the room, which can be anywhere from a minute or two to whenever she’s finished and leaves.  OR, I just suck it up and make the best of it.

I’m annoyed.  I honestly am.  However, as I said, I’m just a “semester” hire who is not on a tenure-track nor do I possess a PhD.  If I did, this wouldn’t be an issue.  I’m a glorified contract-teacher that works whenever they need me to.

Ok, and just before this occurred, I went in to see my department chair to apologize for responding to an email that was sent to me (as it was to the entire department) about a convention coming up.  In the email it asked who was going to the convention so that they could acquire the necessary funding.  Let’s face it, I’m new at this… cut me some slack.  I emailed him to ask if that meant the adjuncts were included.

Apparently we’re not.  And, I was embarassed for asking.

So, I wanted to clarify with him today that I did not mean to be imposing, it’s just that I received the email and thought that since I did, that I was being invited.

Apparently, I’m not.

So, I went on feeling embarassed for a good part of the day (and even now), even though he was not upset with me, but instead glad that I clarified it for him today.

Now I feel embarassed and angry.  Is there ever going to be a time in my life where I don’t feel embarassed and angry?  Will I ever somehow attain any form of respect or level in which I will not be seen as “temporary” or “dispensable?”

I doubt it.  And, it really stopped me in my tracks.  Because on top of all of this, I was told today that as of now I am not on the schedule for the spring… however, IF (which is a big word, as we all know) there are more classes added, then I will be offered those.

I don’t know how people do this “by semester” work.  It’s unnerving as it is not having job security, not being able to attain a “tenured” spot because *I* don’t have a PhD.  It was very eye-opening… the entire day-long saga.

I love teaching college… however, without a PhD there will be no steady work.

I don’t know how people can work per deim and not be upset when/if they’re not rehired.  I need to separate myself from this before I become MORE emotionally invested.  Because, if I don’t… and I’m not rehired in the spring I will inevitably end up crying on my bed while watching some stupid television show… feeling discarded again.

Yes, it bothers me that even after all of the years that I have invested to become educated that it’s still NOT enough.  I feel like I’m forever in a holding pattern… and it unnerves me.  I like sustenance… I like to feel settled… and although I can adjust to changes, I would rather settle in and nest.

I’m a nester.

I don’t know how to NOT be a nester…

So, there’s my dilemma.  I’d appreciate any sound advice as far as a) what to do with the glam-a-zon professor with the GIGANTIC ego and MASSIVE attitude and b) how to detach my emotional self from wanting to stay at the university (because I do not WANT to be boo-hoo crying about not being re-hired, as I know I probably will be).

*sighs*