Please let me in…

I’ve been on a bender lately with the “jumpin’-on-the-soap-box” thing and it apparently will not end.  It’s like a vicious cycle of things that inevitably piss me off.  And, considering I’m still recuperating from this germ-eating-jungle-borne-lung-n-nose-fungi that I’ve been fighting to defeat, my bitching will only increase until I’m not longer hacking lung chunks, can sleep without the aid of NyQuil and forty-three pillows, as well as having the skin beneath my nose HEAL (sorry, I tried to consider cloth kerchiefs to blow my nose in, but my husband dry-heaved in opposition… so, I’m stuck with the tissue-torn nose look for now) so that I no longer look as though I’m a coke addict.

ANYWAY… crabbiness aside. 

I’ve been put in charge of helping #1 son find a college/university to apply to.

I’d rather chew my nails off COMPLETELY, then pour vinegar on the open wounds.

Searching for a college in today’s unrealistic society is like trying to find the missing sock that the dryer ate.  In other words, it’s virtually impossible.

But, then again, I’m very tenacious and rarely give in unless my bloodied knuckles have turned infectious.  And, even then, I do not like to give in.  Call it my stubbornness, born from an ancestry rift with stubborn nationalities and ethnicities: Italian, Irish, and Austrian Jew.  My mother gets exasperated with me because SOMETIMES, she says, “it’s better to give in and walk away than to embarrass yourself.”

I usually end up embarrassing myself.  Just in case you didn’t notice.

My father says that I don’t fight enough.  CAN I EVER WIN? No.

Anyway…

So, here I sat for hours upon hours of unappreciated research time (added to a STILL present illness haze), attempting to find a college/university that does not require that their incoming applicants attain a perfect SAT/ACT score, or be in the top .00001 percent of their class rankings. 

I’m a realist… I realize that #1 son will not be attending a Top 10 school or even a Top 100 school.  He farted around freshman and sophomore year, scoring more D’s and C’s than Peppermint Patty.  Finally, somewhere in the beginning of his junior year, he starts pulling A’s and B’s (and 1 single, solitary C).  Whew.  However, as I explained to him LAST NIGHT (which was one of fourteen conversations we’ve had in the past two days that refer to his GPA)… it’ll take ALL of this year and ALL of next year to pull his GPA up from the shadows and into an impressive score that may or may not be smiled upon by the Gods of the Admissions Process (otherwise known as the GAPs).

What’s that mean?  He needs to get his GPA up as high as it can go… meaning, as close to, if not exceeding a 3.0 (or B) on a 4.0 scale.  Presently, he’s around a 2.6 but precariously close to a 2.7.

Now, I’m not a math genius.  I’m not even mediocre at math.  But, having served more than 1/2 my life IN college, I do know that he has to work SUPER hard to even reach the outer elements of a 3.0.  That means, NO more C’s.  (He blames me for having to take Spanish III, by the way.  He blames his Spanish III teacher for not being a good teacher.  He blames the Spanish curriculum for not helping him learn.  He blames his SP I and II teacher for dousing him in handouts and not teaching him pronunciations and enunciations.  In other words, to him DENIAL isn’t just a river in Egypt.)

I’m currently in the process of finding colleges/universities for #1 son to apply to. 

Why?  Because I love him.  Because I know that he really wants to goto college, OUT of this hellhole known as New Jersey, away from SpermDonor (and me)… And, frankly, I don’t blame him.  I want to get the hell out of Jersey, as far as humanly possible from SD and his derranged family of freaks, and I want to start a better life… SOMEWHERE.

So, in the meantime, I’m helping #1 son to find a place to go.  Initially, he was all hellbent on going to a WV college, however, they’ve changed their entrance requirements to 3 lab sciences.  He’s had 3 sciences, but only 2 are lab.  He wasn’t recommended for Physics, nor should he be.  His high school doesn’t have enough courses for kids who aren’t born to be NASA engineers to take in order to get into a semi-decent college that doesn’t require you take courses on the television. 

At my old h.s., we had Bio I, Chem I, Bio II, Chem II, Physics and something higher with some crazy fucking name that no one I knew had even been able to take.  I guess it was for the kids who started h.s. in 4th grade. *shrugs*

His high school has some integrated science for kids who didn’t score an 83 or higher in 8th grade (which is what he took), Bio I, Honors Bio I, Chem, and Physics.  Aside from that, there are a bunch of non-lab sciences.  So, the problem here is this… he’s has Bio and is taking Chem (and is getting a good grade in Chem, much to all of our surprise, especially his)… but was not recommended for Physics.  Instead, he was recommended for Forensic Science.  YA! I loved that class in college, except for when we had labs and the professor didn’t know how to perform them, so he graded us on whether or not we figured them out.  I got a C in the class, which I guess is pretty good considering half of the time (if not more) I was making (un-)educated guesses so that I could finish my labs.

However, even though in college it was a LAB science, in his h.s. it is not.

Ugh.

And, I realize I’m rambling.  If you’ve endured this long, I applaud your efforts.  Hopefully, there will be a light at the end of this enormously painful tunnel… (keep on keepin’ on…)

Then there’s the “You need four maths: Algebra I, Geometry I, Algebra II, and at least one course that requires Alg II to be a prerequisite” issue.  *sighs*

He wants to be a police officer or federal agent.  He does not want to be an astrophysicist or a rocket scientist.  Ya know?  And, the poor child inherited my poor math skills (inherited from two parents that couldn’t even help me get through 8th grade math), but can swing his mind around World War II like nobody’s business.

But, my other son (#2) inherited his father’s keen ability to turn geometric figures and random letters into a math formula with NUMBERS. 

So, on one spectrum, I have a son (#1) who is insanely good at Social Sciences and Writing… whereas my OTHER son (#2) is painfully incredible with Math and Science.  I told them last night, if I could squish all three of my boys into ONE person, he’d be this super-intelligent-crazy-athletic-mega-god…

…and they laughed.  My husband shook his head and chuckled. 

Back to my bitch-fest about college entrances…

I know for a F-A-C-T that kids get into college with mediocre GPAs and shitty SAT/ACT scores.  I had students who couldn’t write their way out of a paper bag… they couldn’t create a basic ransom note… they couldn’t make a shopping list… but SOMEHOW they got into big wig colleges like SETON HALL, RUTGERS, FDU, and various big time state universities around the East Coast and beyond.

So I’m trying to figure out their formula.  The only thing I can figure is that my old school doctored their grades.  (I have proof, wait… you’ll see.)

My old school required that teachers give a student who has a 69 (F) a 70.  REQUIRED.  They said it had something to do with calculating the 4.0 scale properly.  (*coughs*bullshit*coughs*)  Moreover, we were REQUIRED to push up a 68 to a 70 or 71 if the student “begged nicely.”  (In otherwords, if they were an athlete or some special pet, their grades were to be doctored… or as they officially referred to it, “adjusted accordingly.”)  On the other end of the scale, no kid was allowed to score a 100 in any course.  Why?  Because no kid knows everything, was their rationale.  I actually had TWO kids who scored perfect scores on EVERY test and quiz, turned in all assignments, and finished every extra credit question… which gave these two kids a 104 in my class.  BUT, because of the rules, I had to drop them to a 99.  Therefore, the REST of their class (the slouchers that they were) could rest comfortably knowing that their 68s and 69s would be padded so that they, too, could get into the college of their choice.

(Yes, I know… what the fuck?  I said that a million gazillion times to no avail.  And, I personally know that a 4.0 scale is not adversely affected IF you do well.  Naturally, if you fuck up your grades, you WILL drop below a 2.0 GPA.  However, since this was a PRIVATE school and not necessarily regulated by the state, they had given themselves more leeway.  I think that it was also done to keep their funding from the mother ship… because if the GPAs and achievements dropped, so did their funding.)

So… where does that leave my son?  Dunno.  He’s a good kid, tried and true.  No behavioral problems (except for the occasional bitch-n-moan), no detentions or suspensions, no cutting, no drugs or alcohol and as far as I know (thank you GOD), no sex.

(Shaddup.  He’s just turned 17.  He can have a life time of sex, just not while he’s in h.s. or college…)

Anyway, that’s my job.  I guess one day, when we find something for him, he’ll grab me and hug me and say thank you.

Actually, he does say thank you.  He just isn’t realistic about what’s out there for him… and I’m too stubborn to quit.  What a combo, eh?