Supersize Me

After a feeble attempt at getting #3 son OUT of bed and into the family room (he’s not much of a morning person), I sit down on at the table to read the newspaper while I eat breakfast. 

What I learn from reading the paper is frankly that people, it seems, will do anything to get into the news.

Apparently, a fire broke out in London.  Two [male] cousins were frying bread and ended up accidentally starting a fire.  The response of the one cousin was to “[grab] the nearest thing from a pile of laundry to put it out: his aunt’s billowing, powder blue, size XL underpants.”

Uh.

The aunt’s response to the use of her panties to put out a fire was, “It could have been a lot worse. My family could have been in hospital but the knickers saved the day. I’m just grateful to the boys.”

Uh.

I was almost speechless, say for perhaps a minute or two.  But, then I came back to my senses and blurted out to my husband, “If MY kids used MY underwear to put out a fire, I’d KILL them for telling the world what size I wear.”

There are two (2) things you never ask a woman: her age and her weight.

The third would be what size underwear she wears and the fourth–the color.

What a way to start the morning.

So, two days ago I sent my resume to an educational “association” that does online teaching and tutoring k-12.  Don’t ask me what I was thinking, because I’m still not sure.  Yesterday, I got an email from the HR person that said,

“Thanks for the interest in employment with our company. But we cannot further process your paperwork without your most recent criminal background check.
This report has to be from either the State of NJ Dept. of Education or SAGEM MORPHO a company used by businesses.
ASAP”

I was astonished.  First of all, schools (or jobs for that matter) do not require that you have a criminal background check completed when you apply, but rather AFTER they have hired you.  This was my response:

“Forgive me for seeming confused.  Usually I have to get a criminal background check after I have been hired, and have never had to do this in order to be considered for an interview.  Moreover, I unfortunately do not have a copy of the results for you since they are in my file with my former employer.  Since I am no longer employed there, I do not have that information.  I did, however, have it completed for the 2006-07 school year.  My apologies…”

Why I even apologied is a mystery to even me.  Needless to say, I tried to research this company, but had a difficult time finding the website until yesterday (a big DUH at me for not using the EMAIL ADDRESS in my search). 

So, I learned that the cost of having your child tutored in any subject is $12,000.  Yes, you heard it correctly.  As I skimmed down the price list page, my mouth didn’t shut properly until long after I had finished.  Here are the prices and ratios (students to teacher):

1 to 1: $12,000
2 to 1: $8,000
5 to 1: $4,400
unlimited to 1: $2,000

PER SUBJECT is what I’m guessing since it does not specify.

And, all I can think about is that the teachers working for this place will probably only get an adjunct rate (usually $350 per credit for a 3 credit class).  I’ve heard that the other tutoring centers that promise miraculous results but only rip your wallet clean of anything resembling money charge a lot and pay their teachers/tutors very VERY little.  I’m pretty sure that this is the same thing.  Needless to say,  I started calling my teacher-friends and an old h.s. friend who homeschools to see if anyone’s heard of this place.  The consensus: no.

One friend said, “Why would they want you to provide a criminal background check BEFORE being hired? That’s weird.  Don’t sent it.”

Another friend said, “I wouldn’t send it in case they use YOUR background check for someone else.  You didn’t send them your certifications, did you?”

Yes, unfortunately I did.  But, with ANY job I apply for that is related to teaching or tutoring, I have sent them because they are requested.  I realized around 8pm last night that my SS# is on them.  Shit!

My homeschool-her-kids friend said, “I’ve never heard of that place, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t legit.”

Well, I’ve learned in the 10 or so years that I’ve been using the Internet, that just because someone has a website, it doesn’t make their business anymore legit than one sitting along a sidewalk.

Another teaching friend said, “How are you supposed to send your background check if you aren’t supposed to have access to it?  It is for the school you are working for solely, not for you to carry around.”

Good point.

I know my fingerprints came back clean, not just because I know that I’m not a perv that wanders the streets after school in a white van trying to coax little kids with candy or a lost puppy OR because I am not wanted by any law enforcement agency, because my admin last year said, “You’re clean.”

And she wasn’t talking about my clothes or personal hygiene.

My response was, “Naturally.” (I mean, did she expect anything different??)

So, all I have to prove that I had a background check is my identification number for the processing and my receipt.  I’m not showing that to ANYONE until they interview me and offer me a job.  I can’t imagine any place that deals with kids, especially an ON-LINE position, in which they would blindly hire me (even with a criminal background check that’s over a year old) without speaking to me, at least ON the phone.  Alas, I’m not so sure about this.  I’ll update if and when I get another email.  I highly doubt that…

But, there’s still hope that I will get an interview (cross yer fingers) from a prestigious college that will not be named, who is planning on establishing or looking for someone to run their tutoring service.  This isn’t a college-tutoring office, but an outreach of sorts.  This college’s plan is to provide college tutors to the minority and poor kids of the local communities in an effort to help them get their reading and math scores up in accordance to the NCLB requirements.

Before I continue, I want to say something about the No Child Left Behind legislation.  This is not designed to bring ALL children up to grade-level, but a part of it is designed to punish teachers who are not subject-area certified or subject-area educated.  When I was an undergrad, my friends laughed at me because I was a HISTORY major and they were all PSYCHOLOGY majors.  HA! Who’s laughing now, eh?  In the past few years, they’ve all been scrambling to get subject-are certified (which means, English, Math, Science, Foreign Language, or for the quitters, Counseling). This legislation also punishes poor school districts or districts with a large percentage of learning disable students because… and this is a major wad in my panties… the NCLB requirements do not accurately account for regular AND special needs students separately, but includes both scores together… even if the ratio of regular to special needs is 2:5.  If the scores drop, schools may lose all or most of their state (and federal) funding and become labeled “at risk,” “deficient,” or “neenerneeneryou’reaweiner”.  So, instead of working on teaching kids properly, teachers now focus on “the test.”

I’ve never been one to “teach to the test,” but then again, I taught Social Studies.  My area has never been included on SATs, PSATs or a number of required standardized tests that kids in NJ have to take in order to progress.  My area is of secondary nature in that respect.

My suggestion–dump the standardized tests that encourage teachers to teach to tests and reinvent the wheel.  Assess students based on their abilities.   There is NO way you can cluster slower readers, for instance, in with fast readers. It isn’t fair to either group.   Nor is it fair to cluster kids who struggle with basic math in with kids who sail through Calculus, unless you MAKE the strong help the weak.  (I know, it opposes all ideas strapped to the hindquarters of Social Darwinism.)

On the other hand, a good thing about NCLB is that it is forcing teachers become accountable for their own learning.  Some teachers that I’ve worked with, after 20 years, still only have their B.A./B.S. degrees.  The NCLB is causing a huge tide of M.A./M.S./M.Eds. to flood the workforce, making it even HARDER for people like me to get a job… ESPECIALLY people teaching history or fine arts.  (Ok, so it’s also a bad thing, too.) Apparently, we’re nothing more than gum that is stuck to the sidewalk.  We don’t count, except when it comes to the 11th grade test that determines if the students have learned enough to graduate.

My hope is that the NEXT president (andmayitnotbehillary) take into account that the NCLB is paralyzing education.  May the next president (andmayitnotbejohnedwardseither) work hard to create an education bill that not only benefits the students but the teachers as well.  I’m not saying give merit bonuses to teachers who bust their humps to help their students learn (whichwouldn’tbeabadidea), but to improve the administrations at the schools so that good teachers will be plentiful and the teachers with bad attitudes or poor work ethics will be… replaced (iknowafewthatneedtobefired).

Ok, so I am hoping to death that this school calls me for an interview.  Sure, it’s pretty far from my house (over an hour w/o traffic), but it’s a JOB.  And, that kind of job will be beneficial for me when (andif) I move out of NJ because it will (hopefully) enable me to get a job (ifidoagoodenoughjob) at another prestigious university or college that has the same program going.  I used to tutor (for 5 years) minority college students from urban areas.  Sure they mostly didn’t show up, or in a few cases, showed up drunk/wasted/stoned, but it didn’t deter me.  The ones who did show up, prepared, and ready to learn benefitted a little from my and other tutors help.  Without tutors, colleges would be a place where kids went to party and makeout…

Heh…

So, we’ll see what 2008 has prepared for me.  Let’s hope it’s a hell of a lot better than last year. *grins*

Toodles for now kittens, I’ll post atcha later.